Sturgeon in strong position, says Sturgeon

Nicola Sturgeon is in “a very strong position” according to Nicola Sturgeon, following a meeting with UK Prime Minister Theresa May. Sensing an opportunity to make the imminent collapse of Western civilisation about Scottish independence, First Minister Ms Sturgeon repeated the words “I am in a strong position” to herself in the toilet of a…

The Canary has been admitted to hospital for work-related stress

Current affairs magazine The Canary has been admitted to hospital for work-related stress after a series of overly alarming articles provoked close friends to intervene. The increasingly popular news outlet, popular for its hyperventilating anti-establishment click-bait headlines, was said to be recovering well and grateful for the support. The magazine, speaking exclusively to Lokithescottishrapper.com, said:…

People who opposed Iraq War now support first strike policy against anyone they think might be a Nazi

Thousands of activists who were against the 2003 invasion of Iraq are suddenly all for preemptively attacking suspected Nazis incase they do something dangerous further down the line. Speaking exclusively to lokithescottishrapper.com one pro-violence passifist said: “Nazi’s cannot be allowed to organise – end of story.  Yes it might not be a holocaust right now…

No longer any need for feminism, claims misogynist

A man who clearly hates women believes the movement that guarantees their equality is no longer necessary. In a Facebook post the unidentified male claimed feminism wasn’t required anymore because women are no longer legally obliged to remain at home, shoe-less, pregnant and tied to the sink. Attempting to conceal his resentment of the fairer…